{"id":7874,"date":"2019-11-09T16:35:22","date_gmt":"2019-11-09T13:35:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.dijitaltopuklar.com\/?p=7874"},"modified":"2019-11-09T16:35:22","modified_gmt":"2019-11-09T13:35:22","slug":"yurekli-davranmaya-davet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/2019\/11\/yurekli-davranmaya-davet\/","title":{"rendered":"Y\u00fcrekli Davranmaya Davet"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Otuz d\u00f6rt ya\u015f\u0131mday\u0131m. Herkes gibi benim de biriktirdi\u011fim bir kendilik hikayem var; i\u00e7inde depresyonlar, terapiler, ayr\u0131l\u0131klar, anne olmak, g\u00f6\u00e7ler, korkular, kafa tutu\u015flar, bedel \u00f6demeler olan. B\u00fct\u00fcn kad\u0131nlar gibi. Dijital Topuklar&#8217;\u0131n yaz\u0131 \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce hayat\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6zetleyen eylemi g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ben bug\u00fcne kadar ne yapt\u0131ysam c\u00fcret etmi\u015ftim. \u0130\u00e7im k\u0131p\u0131r k\u0131p\u0131r oldu, yazmaya karar verdim.<\/p>\n<p>Bu yaz\u0131ya ba\u015flamadan hemen evvel c\u00fcret kelimesinin s\u00f6zl\u00fck anlam\u0131na bakt\u0131m. TDK buyurmu\u015f ki:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>Atakl\u0131k etmek, y\u00fcreklilikle davranmak.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Sayg\u0131 s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 a\u015farak davranmak.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Bir daha k\u00e2ni oldum; benim i\u015fim c\u00fcret etmek. Buna aymak beni tarifi imkans\u0131z bir \u015fekilde hafifletti, g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim. \u015e\u00f6yle ki: Kelimenin iki anlam\u0131yla da hayatta hep c\u00fcret edegelmi\u015fim asl\u0131nda.<\/p>\n<p>Yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m her \u015fey, bence ger\u00e7ekten her \u015fey <strong>\u201csayg\u0131 s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 a\u015fan davran\u0131\u015f\u201d<\/strong> olarak yans\u0131t\u0131ld\u0131 hayat\u0131mdaki baz\u0131 ki\u015filerce. Evde k\u0131z \u00e7ocuk olmaktan gelen beklentilere kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f, ergenlikte ve yeti\u015fkinlikte ta\u015frada sokakta kad\u0131n olarak sigara i\u00e7mek, sokakta devleti protesto etmek, kendini g\u00f6zalt\u0131na ald\u0131rmak, evlenmeden sevi\u015fmek ve dahi \u00e7ocuk do\u011furmak, beyaz yakal\u0131 olmamak, g\u00f6\u00e7 etmek, ayr\u0131lmak diye gider bu liste. B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar hayat\u0131mdaki birileri i\u00e7in \u201csayg\u0131 s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 a\u015fan davran\u0131\u015f\u201dt\u0131. Bir yandan ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc olam\u0131yordum &#8211; yani sadece k\u0131z \u00e7ocuk oldu\u011fun i\u00e7in yemek yapmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenme zorunlulu\u011funu reddetmek, sokakta sigara i\u00e7me zevkinden mahrum kalmak istemedi\u011fim i\u00e7in her f\u0131rsatta o sigaray\u0131 yakmak, \u00e7ok istedi\u011fin o bebe\u011fi evlenmek istemeyen adama ra\u011fmen do\u011furmak, vs. \u2013 di\u011fer yandan da beni kendisinin devaml\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 olanlar g\u00f6renlere kar\u015f\u0131 a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 sorumluluk hissedip, kendimi ger\u00e7ek bir ar\u0131za gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcp bu eylemleri su\u00e7luluk duygusuyla ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftiriyordum. Onlar\u0131n cephesinden davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m di\u011ferlerinden farkl\u0131 oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in \u00e7ok c\u00fcretk\u00e2rd\u0131\u2026 \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc &#8216;ra\u011fmen&#8217;diler. Asi, deli, huysuz, manyak, marjinal sayg\u0131 s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 a\u015fman\u0131n s\u0131fatlar\u0131 olarak \u00fcst\u00fcme yap\u0131\u015ft\u0131lar, y\u0131llard\u0131r ta\u015f\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n<p>Gel zaman git zaman maj\u00f6r depresyonla birlikte \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc kapatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m ne varsa \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc \u00fcst\u00fcme. \u0130\u015faretler vard\u0131 elbet; 19 ya\u015f\u0131mda panik atak hastas\u0131 olmu\u015f, y\u0131llar i\u00e7inde buna klostrofobiyi eklemi\u015ftim, her stres haliyle yeme ve uyku bozukluklar\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131yordum, baz\u0131 zamanlar yaln\u0131z kalamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m da oluyordu. 2012 y\u0131l\u0131nda art\u0131k hi\u00e7bir yere ka\u00e7amaz olmu\u015f \u201ctedavi olmay\u0131\u201d kabul etmi\u015ftim. O g\u00fcnden bug\u00fcne terapiler, meditasyonlar, sonsuz emzirmeler, bir bebeyle say\u0131s\u0131z tek ba\u015f\u0131nal\u0131klar, \u00f6fkeler, hastal\u0131klar, g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131, metropolden g\u00f6\u00e7 s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rd\u0131m. Bir yerde eridim. \u201cKendim ettim kendim buldum\u201da geldim.<\/p>\n<p>Sonra bir \u015fey oldu. Bahar temizli\u011fi yapar gibi i\u00e7imden ortaya serilen \u015feyleri ay\u0131klamaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Ayr\u0131ld\u0131m. B\u0131rakt\u0131m. Att\u0131m. Sigaray\u0131, k\u0131z\u0131m\u0131n babas\u0131n\u0131, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m turistik k\u00f6y\u00fc, ailemi, y\u0131llard\u0131r ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m su\u00e7luluk duygular\u0131n\u0131, \u00f6fkeden karn\u0131ma yerle\u015fmi\u015f olan yumruyu, de\u011fersizlik hissini, \u201cya yapamazsam\u201d korkumu ve yazmaya devam etsem buradan \u0130stanbul\u2019a yol olacak y\u0131llard\u0131r hamall\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 etti\u011fim onlarca ill\u00fczyonu. \u0130mdat dedim. Yard\u0131m istedim. En \u00e7ok da hayat\u0131m\u0131n kad\u0131nlar\u0131na. Bir daha g\u00f6\u00e7 ettim. O yerde bir elin parmaklar\u0131n\u0131 ge\u00e7meyecek say\u0131da insan tan\u0131rken hem de. Yetmedi a\u015f\u0131k oldum. Bakt\u0131m o da yumru oldu karn\u0131mda, ondan da ge\u00e7tim.<strong> \u00c7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck c\u00fcret ettim. Ve bu defa bunu kendim i\u00e7in yapt\u0131m.<\/strong> \u0130\u015fte o zaman <em>\u201catakl\u0131k etmek, y\u00fcreklilikle davranmak\u201d<\/em> oldu bana c\u00fcret etmek. \u0130\u00e7imin b\u00fct\u00fcn camlar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m efil efil esiyor bir seneyi a\u015fk\u0131n zamand\u0131r.<\/p>\n<p>Esas\u0131nda kendimiz olmak i\u00e7in davrand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z her hal patriyarkan\u0131n d\u00fczenine \u00e7omak soktu\u011fu i\u00e7in cezaland\u0131r\u0131l\u0131yoruz, yaln\u0131zla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131l\u0131yoruz ve bir y\u00fck, kusur gibi ya\u015f\u0131yoruz kendimiz olmay\u0131. Hastal\u0131klar, \u00f6fkeler, korkular biriktiriyoruz. Yard\u0131m istemeyi, yard\u0131m\u0131 kabul etmeyi becerdi\u011fimizde, terapilerle, dostlarla i\u00e7imize g\u00fcvenle yerle\u015fmeye ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda o y\u0131prat\u0131c\u0131 duygulara harcad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z enerjinin \u00e7ok daha az\u0131yla mucizeler yaratabiliyormu\u015fuz\u2026 Ben ya\u015famaya c\u00fcret ederek mucizelere inanmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendim. Aksi zihnimin i\u00e7inde sonsuz diyaloglard\u0131.<\/p>\n<p>C\u00fcretk\u00e2r olmak, s\u00f6zl\u00fck anlam\u0131n\u0131n aksine, kendine sayg\u0131n\u0131n olmazsa olmaz\u0131. \u0130\u00e7ine s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z hayatlardan sadece c\u00fcret ederek \u00e7\u0131kabiliriz. Yeter ki \u201csayg\u0131 s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131\u201d a\u015fman\u0131n bir y\u00fcreklilik g\u00f6stergesi oldu\u011funu bilelim, kendimizi sevelim, hep sevelim, \u00e7ok sevelim\u2026<\/p>\n<p>\u2666<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Otuz d\u00f6rt ya\u015f\u0131mday\u0131m. Herkes gibi benim de biriktirdi\u011fim bir kendilik hikayem var; i\u00e7inde depresyonlar, terapiler, ayr\u0131l\u0131klar, anne olmak, g\u00f6\u00e7ler, korkular, kafa tutu\u015flar, bedel \u00f6demeler olan. B\u00fct\u00fcn kad\u0131nlar gibi. Dijital Topuklar&#8217;\u0131n yaz\u0131 \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce hayat\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6zetleyen eylemi g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ben bug\u00fcne kadar ne yapt\u0131ysam c\u00fcret etmi\u015ftim. \u0130\u00e7im k\u0131p\u0131r k\u0131p\u0131r oldu, yazmaya karar verdim. Bu yaz\u0131ya ba\u015flamadan hemen [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":8015,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11,17,32],"tags":[130,176,208,209,260],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7874"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/16"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7874"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7874\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8015"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7874"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7874"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7874"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}