\u0130\u00e7imizde \u00e7ocukluktan kalma bir sevin\u00e7\u2026 \u00c7ocuksuz, kimseyi koruyup g\u00f6zetme kayg\u0131s\u0131 olmadan ge\u00e7irilen koskoca 1 tam g\u00fcn\u00fcn yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 rahatl\u0131k\u2026 S\u0131rt\u0131m\u0131zda s\u0131rt \u00e7antas\u0131ndan ba\u015fka y\u00fck\u00fcn olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00fcniversite g\u00fcnlerine dair tarifsiz bir \u00f6zlem\u2026 \u0130\u015f hayat\u0131n\u0131n surat\u0131m\u0131za oturttu\u011fu olgunlu\u011fu 1 g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne bir kenara atm\u0131\u015f\u0131z, ‘ORFF’ e\u011fitiminden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yoruz arkada\u015f\u0131mla. Ders s\u0131ras\u0131nda e\u011fitmenin yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir \u015fakaya hala kat\u0131la kat\u0131la g\u00fclerken, bir yandan da \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fczden ge\u00e7en dolmu\u015fa el edip deliler gibi ko\u015fturuyoruz.<\/p>\n
Her \u015fey \u00e7ok g\u00fczel giderken k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ran bayku\u015f misalidir annelik vicdan\u0131.<\/strong> Ama hay\u0131r, bu seferki evlad\u0131n\u0131 t\u00fcm g\u00fcn evde b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f olman\u0131n su\u00e7lulu\u011fu de\u011fil, ona uzunca bir s\u00fcredir a\u015fina gibiyim, hatta a\u015fm\u0131\u015f gibiyim. Bu seferki, \u00e7ocuksuz bu halin i\u00e7inde uzun zamand\u0131r olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kadar mutlu olman\u0131n su\u00e7lulu\u011fu. \u201c\u00c7ocuklu hayat m\u0131 \u00e7ocuksuz hayat m\u0131 daha iyi?\u201d<\/em> sorusuna verilebilecek yan\u0131tlar\u0131n terazinin her iki kefesine de \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r gelmesi bunun nedeni.<\/p>\n Bu sorunun yan\u0131t\u0131 herkes i\u00e7in farkl\u0131d\u0131r \u015f\u00fcphesiz. Ancak ortalama 7 ay\u0131n sonunda benim bu soruya verebilecek iyi bir yan\u0131t\u0131m var art\u0131k. Hi\u00e7birini se\u00e7mek zorunda de\u011filim g\u00fczel karde\u015fim. Annelik benim 4.5 y\u0131l \u00f6nce \u00fczerime ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m rollerden sadece biri ve evet zorlan\u0131yorum, \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcyorum, k\u00fcs\u00fcyorum, umutsuzlu\u011fa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorum, yoruluyorum, \u00e7ok seviyorum, gururlan\u0131yorum, hayaller kuruyorum, kahkahaya bo\u011fuluyorum.<\/strong> Ancak b\u00fct\u00fcn duygular\u0131ma adil bi\u00e7imde sahip \u00e7\u0131kmaya gayret ediyorum.<\/p>\n \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumun b\u00fcy\u00fck k\u0131sm\u0131n\u0131 insanlar\u0131 ama en fazla kendimi g\u00f6zlemlemeyle ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim i\u00e7in kendimi iyi tan\u0131r\u0131m. Zorlan\u0131r\u0131m ama bir koltu\u011fa birden fazla karpuz s\u0131\u011fd\u0131rmadan da duramam. O y\u00fczden anneli\u011fin sundu\u011fu t\u00fcm g\u00fczel duygulara binlerce kez minnettar olsam da benim i\u00e7in mutlulu\u011fun tek anahtar\u0131 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyorum. Ama art\u0131k bunun i\u00e7in su\u00e7luluk duymuyorum. \u00d6yle inan\u0131yorum ve ya\u015f\u0131yorum ki insan hem anneli\u011fi hem de sosyalli\u011fi ve ba\u015far\u0131l\u0131 olmay\u0131 sevebilir.<\/strong> Hepsinden ayn\u0131 anda keyif almak beni daha k\u00f6t\u00fc bir anne yapmaz. Ancak bunu s\u00f6ylerken hayattaki en \u00f6nemli vazifesi annelik olan, \u00fcstlendi\u011fi vazifenin getirilerinden keyif duyan kad\u0131nlar\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsemek niyetinde de\u011filim. Do\u011fu\u015ftan ana\u00e7 olan, hen\u00fcz minicik \u00e7ocukken birilerine bak\u0131m vermekten zevk alan kad\u0131nlar var \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hayatta. O y\u00fczden hayat\u0131n ona sundu\u011fu bu rol\u00fc g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc bi\u00e7imde kabul etmi\u015f ve kendini annelikte buldu\u011funu s\u00f6yleyen o kad\u0131na sayg\u0131 duyuyorum.<\/p>\n Derdim kad\u0131n\u0131n anne olduktan sonra hayatta \u00e7ocu\u011fundan ba\u015fka u\u011fra\u015f\u0131n\u0131n olmamas\u0131, ilgisinin b\u00f6l\u00fcnmemesi gerekti\u011fine dair genel kabullerle, ve kad\u0131n\u0131n da bu yarg\u0131y\u0131 sorgulamaks\u0131z\u0131n kabullenmesiyle. Hele ki kad\u0131n a\u011fz\u0131ndan \u00f6zlemini duydu\u011fu \u015feylerle ilgili bir \u015fey ka\u00e7\u0131rmaya g\u00f6rs\u00fcn, aportta bekleyenler su\u00e7lu hissettirmek i\u00e7in hemen harekete ge\u00e7er.<\/p>\n \u00c7ocu\u011fuyla ilgili olarak dan\u0131\u015fmaya gelen annelerin \u00e7o\u011funun hayata dair genel memnuniyetsizliklerinin alt\u0131nda ne k\u00f6t\u00fc ki anne oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnden beri kendisi i\u00e7in hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ger\u00e7e\u011fi yat\u0131yor. Bir k\u0131sm\u0131 geni\u015f ailesinin ya da e\u015finin kendisine dayatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yarg\u0131lar\u0131n kurban\u0131; ancak \u00f6nemli bir k\u0131sm\u0131 bu yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n fark\u0131nda bile de\u011fil. O g\u00fcne kadar otomatik pilotta, ne yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n fark\u0131nda olmaks\u0131z\u0131n ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f kimseler. Bununla birlikte ve belki de bundan kaynaklanan nedenlerle \u00e7ocu\u011funa, e\u015fine, kay\u0131nvalidesine verdi\u011fi kabul g\u00f6rmeyen tepkilerin alt\u0131nda olas\u0131l\u0131kla ayn\u0131 ger\u00e7ek yat\u0131yor.<\/strong> Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla mutlulukla dolduramad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kovas\u0131ndan sevdikleri i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feyler b\u0131kk\u0131nl\u0131k, t\u00fckenmi\u015flik, sevgisizlik ve ilgisizlik oluyor.<\/p>\n Benim art\u0131k, buldu\u011fu her f\u0131rsatta kalbimin bir k\u00f6\u015fesini b\u00fckmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan su\u00e7luluk duygusuna birka\u00e7 \u00e7ift s\u00f6z\u00fcm oluyor: Kendimi tek bir role hapsedecek de\u011filim.<\/strong> Ben kad\u0131n\u0131m, evlad\u0131m, anneyim, birilerinin arkada\u015f\u0131y\u0131m, ablay\u0131m, \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan\u0131m, ev han\u0131m\u0131y\u0131m. T\u00fcm rollerimle dengede kalmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum. M\u00fckemmel de\u011filim, olmak zorunda da de\u011filim. Ve b\u00f6yle \u00e7ok mutluyum. Seni g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum, \u00e7ok iyi tan\u0131yorum, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kabul ediyorum ama f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 kabul etmiyorum. S\u00f6yleyeceklerim bu kadar, \u015fimdilik \u00e7ekilebilirsin.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u2666<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u0130\u00e7imizde \u00e7ocukluktan kalma bir sevin\u00e7\u2026 \u00c7ocuksuz, kimseyi koruyup g\u00f6zetme kayg\u0131s\u0131 olmadan ge\u00e7irilen koskoca 1 tam g\u00fcn\u00fcn yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 rahatl\u0131k\u2026 S\u0131rt\u0131m\u0131zda s\u0131rt \u00e7antas\u0131ndan ba\u015fka y\u00fck\u00fcn olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00fcniversite g\u00fcnlerine dair tarifsiz bir \u00f6zlem\u2026 \u0130\u015f hayat\u0131n\u0131n surat\u0131m\u0131za oturttu\u011fu olgunlu\u011fu 1 g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne bir kenara atm\u0131\u015f\u0131z, ‘ORFF’ e\u011fitiminden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yoruz arkada\u015f\u0131mla. Ders s\u0131ras\u0131nda e\u011fitmenin yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir \u015fakaya hala kat\u0131la kat\u0131la g\u00fclerken, bir […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":61,"featured_media":6962,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11,41],"tags":[100,101,277,278,721],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6960"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/61"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6960"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6960\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6962"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6960"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6960"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/perihanciragoz.com\/dijitaltopuklar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6960"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}